Doing Valentine’s Day the Right Way

Doing Valentine’s Day the Right Way

How to spend your way to a happy February 14th 


Image: New York Post.


Ah, Valentine’s Day. Smell the roses, put on your rose-coloured glasses, and throw rose petals everywhere. Oh, your significant other is allergic to pollen, and would in fact much rather you drop the acts of romance and just take out the trash? Nonsense! February 14 is in fact the best holiday of the year; nay, the best day of the year all together. Now you might be thinking that the whole thing is just a capitalist scam, but Valentine’s Day is the only day you can trust to let you know if you are truly loved in the only way that matters — romantically. No chocolates? No love. No flowers? No love. No stuffed animals? You guessed it — no love. It’s as simple as that. 

Even children can participate in Valentine’s Day! Think about all the happy schoolchildren that go to class and hand each other those little Valentine’s Day cards! Isn’t it cute? How could any other day possibly be better than one in which children can give each other relatively meaningless cards? Sure, Christmas has the spirit of giving, but Valentine’s Day has the spirit of love. Romantic, isn’t it?

The glorious day is often criticized by those that do not get to take part in it — singles, and the boyfriends that find it difficult to buy chocolates (remember: no chocolates, no love). They argue that the day’s only significance is in the fact that cheap chocolates come the next day. But what good is chocolate if it is not bought at prices inflated to reflect your love? Regular priced or discounted chocolate is what you can buy for yourself. Expensive Valentine’s Day chocolates are bought in order to say “Hey, I love you enough to spend way more money on this thing than it’s actually worth.” If that doesn’t just scream “love,” what does? 

What would you spend your money on other than chocolates, anyway? Don’t lie to yourself, you’re just going to blow it on other food anyhow. Investing in stocks? You’re too young and too much in debt to do that. If you start saving, how shall the banks, credit card companies, and the capitalist system continue to prosper? Now is not the time to be selfish, folks. You can’t put a price on love. It’s priceless. But if you are considering proposing to someone on Valentine’s Day, remember that true love that lasts forever costs three months’ salary for a ring.

Some will say that it’s not necessary to have a date on Valentine’s Day. But really, if you can’t get a date on the one day that all the other singles are frantically scrambling for one, what does that say about you? Now you might be thinking, “Oh, but people can be happy being single!” Well I’m just here to tell you that you’re wrong. How can I say this? You’re talking about Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. Everyone is talking about Valentine’s Day. Why do kids in kindergarten get “married?” People need companionship, and if you can’t have someone else validate your worth, then how can you tell if you’re worth anything?

Valentine’s Day is not only a great day for love, it’s a great day to find love. If you’re hesitant about asking someone out, why not do it for the one day of the year that everyone else is thinking of doing the same thing? No other time would be better! Valentine’s Day is obviously the only day in which the time is right. So go forth, don your red, pink, and white, and if Cupid doesn’t help you this year, you can just wait for next year!