Photo Credit: Samantha Hamilton, Photo Editor
Finding affordable housing is harder than ever; here’s some tips
Tony Xun, The Mike Staff Writer
As university students, many of us are closely, if reluctantly, watching our budgets. During Canada’s 2021 federal election, housing affordability was voters’ #1 priority, even ahead of healthcare, post-pandemic economic recovery, and managing the pandemic. At U of T, the unfortunate reality is that the cost of housing can be almost prohibitively expensive. Luckily, I’ve compiled a shortlist of some helpful suggestions and options for conquering the housing search.
Robarts Library After-Hours Resources
As one of the biggest buildings on campus, Robarts has plenty of free and accessible housing resources available for students to take advantage of throughout the building. After entering the building, make your way to the 13th floor before Robarts closes at 10PM. At 9:45, students will slowly filter out as the library announces its closing – at this point, make your way to one of the study rooms at the edges of the floor. All you have to do is evade the cleaning staff as they work throughout the night and you’ve found yourself a free, heated roof over your head! As you sleep, the motion-activated lights will turn off, completing the illusion of financial stability. Feel free to microwave your leftovers as you wake up in the morning to share the aroma with other students as they prepare themselves for a day of productive studying.
The premier solution to all your housing problems.
Take Advantage of Underused Real Estate Space
Land prices in downtown Toronto are sky-high – so if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! First, you’ll have to build yourself a house, but that shouldn’t be difficult: houses are easy to build. Now, all we have to do is find an innovative way to solve the problem of obtaining land for your house to sit on. Inflate a few million balloons, tie them through your chimney and watch your housing troubles float away! Park your house over campus and slide down a rope for a quick commute to class. For an in-depth tutorial, refer to Pixar’s critically acclaimed documentary Up.
Architect’s rendering of housing innovation.
Trigger a Massive Financial Crisis
If you’ve running into difficulties with minor complications like getting “permission,” there’s a more direct way to reduce your rent. First, buy up hundreds of apartments at inflated prices to stimulate the housing market. Then, set up a meeting with the CEOs of major global financial institutions to encourage them to speculate by financing risky loans. By hastening the inevitable collapse of the housing bubble, rent will become more affordable for everyone! The resulting economic collapse will allow us to create a New World Order out of the destruction. Best of all, wealthy financial institutions won’t be held responsible for their actions, so this plan is foolproof.
Buy cryptocurrency instead – it’s a safer investment than housing.
