Illustration Credit: Arba Bardhi
The hot new styles breaking your TikTok told entirely non-ironically. For sure.
Lauren Sarney, Senior Staff Writer
Breaking news: Cores and aesthetics are having a heyday online, and they’re getting unhinged! What began as a craze consisting of clean girls and dark academia-core has gone completely off the rails with ridiculous alternatives sprouting up every single day. What even is a tomato girl and why is she in Greece? How could anyone ever keep up with such trends? Have no fear, USMC-ers: The Mock has Gossip Girl here to help (but the paper couldn’t afford Dan Humphrey, so you’re left with me). Because… why be basic when you could be insane!?
Don your best Birkenstock clogs and the apron you never returned from your job at Pizza Hut last summer — the Line Cook aesthetic is in! The internet is breaking over “The Bear” and Jeremy Allen White, leading to this craze. (What’s the deal with that guy? I need someone to explain the hype to me. Whatever.) Fit in with the trend, St. Mikers: contact your local tattoo artist (or artist’s apprentice) and get a mass of patchwork tattoos. How loud can you scream? For how long? The perfect Line Cook is screaming all the time, so get your vocal cords ready to get fried.
Workwear and frying up a double not your style? No matter. This sunny day is sweeping the clouds away: it’s time for Sesame Street-core! All about big colours, big cities, and Big Bird, Sesame Street-core is for those who want to reconnect with their childhood selves and the ABCs. If you’re not gentle parenting those around you, then you’re doing it all wrong.
Group aesthetics are in, too. Have three friends that you love, and who just happen to love singing? Introducing the Barbershop Quartet aesthetic, just in time for a summer filled with bicycling and melodies. Get your striped ties and beige hats out and prepare a little ditty — maybe even get a matching set for your pals and spring it on them without asking. This trend works best if only one of you wants to participate and if you can get to Disneyland for a job interview. Hello, my baby — hello, my aesthetic.
So what style will you try? Will you get yelled at by the head chef as a Line Cook today? Does your inner child need some Sesame? Will you invent a new one, perhaps some Train Track aesthetic or a Mango Mocktail-core? Or do you find this all a little strange or silly? Well, I’ve got news for you: we live on a spinning rock. EVERYTHING is silly. That’s the joy of it. So try something new!
