(A Poem)

Zoë Paddock – CONTRIBUTOR

1. Overalls are better than pants.
2. Overalls are better than skirts.
3. Overalls are the best. Overall. 
4. Coffee with milk is better than black coffee.
5. My dog is the best dog.
6. Your dog is okay.
7. The number of men that can pull off a fedora is between “zero” and “died in 1950.”
8. Trilby hats are further down on the hat hierarchy than fedoras. 
9. Purple pens are better than pens that are not purple. 
10. Breakfast food is the lynchpin of the food world.
11. There is always a way to be kind. 
12. There are some things that it is okay to do in the woods. Nowhere else. 
13. People should read more poetry.
14.  I should read more poetry. 
15. People should never eat eggplant. 
16. I should not eat eggplant. 
17. People are unique and wonderful and terrifying. 
18. Having hope is never a bad thing.
19. Eating a scone is never a bad thing.
20. Horoscopes are silly stories silly people tell themselves.
21. I am definitely a Pisces. 
22. A Mercury-Neptune trine at the end of October will really illuminate my creativity.
23. It is okay to enjoy art made by morally problematic people.
24. It is never okay to enjoy art made by morally problematic people.
25. Blueberries should be bluer on the inside than they are.
26. There is never anything funny about being cruel.
27. There has never been anything funny about being cruel.
28. There will never be anything funny about being cruel. 
29. Tea that smells like chocolate is always disappointing. 
30. Red glasses add pizzazz to any face. 
31. Making eye contact while applying lip-balm qualifies as flirtation.
32. Grilling is still cooking.
33. If you can cook meat over a flame outdoors, but refuse to cook in the kitchen, you are silly.
34. If you can cook meat over a flame outdoors, but refuse to cook in the kitchen, you should try harder.
35. Knowing when to apologize is like getting a passport — it broadens your horizons. 
36. If the weather had flavours, they would all taste slightly like tea.
37. Having a good handshake is like having oven mitts — not essential, but more comfortable for everyone.
38. If there is to be pineapple on a pizza, it should be canned pineapple.
39. Sometimes the people we love are terrible. 
40. It is impossible to shake a cocktail without dancing. 
41. Draft beer tastes better than bottled beer.
42. Sometimes the best we can do is pretty bad.
43. Everyone likes to be right.
44. Sometimes the worst thing about someone is your favourite thing about them.
45. Everyone likes a good list.
46. Except for the people who don’t.