Zoë Paddock – CONTRIBUTOR
- Overalls are better than pants.
- Overalls are better than skirts.
- Overalls are the best. Overall.
- Coffee with milk is better than black coffee.
- My dog is the best dog.
- Your dog is okay.
- The number of men that can pull off a fedora is between “zero” and “died in 1950.”
- Trilby hats are further down on the hat hierarchy than fedoras.
- Purple pens are better than pens that are not purple.
- Breakfast food is the lynchpin of the food world.
- There is always a way to be kind.
- There are some things that it is okay to do in the woods. Nowhere else.
- People should read more poetry.
- I should read more poetry.
- People should never eat eggplant.
- I should not eat eggplant.
- People are unique and wonderful and terrifying.
- Having hope is never a bad thing.
- Eating a scone is never a bad thing.
- Horoscopes are silly stories silly people tell themselves.
- I am definitely a Pisces.
- A Mercury-Neptune trine at the end of October will really illuminate my creativity.
- It is okay to enjoy art made by morally problematic people.
- It is never okay to enjoy art made by morally problematic people.
- Blueberries should be bluer on the inside than they are.
- There is never anything funny about being cruel.
- There has never been anything funny about being cruel.
- There will never be anything funny about being cruel.
- Tea that smells like chocolate is always disappointing.
- Red glasses add pizzazz to any face.
- Making eye contact while applying lip-balm qualifies as flirtation.
- Grilling is still cooking.
- If you can cook meat over a flame outdoors, but refuse to cook in the kitchen, you are silly.
- If you can cook meat over a flame outdoors, but refuse to cook in the kitchen, you should try harder.
- Knowing when to apologize is like getting a passport — it broadens your horizons.
- If the weather had flavours, they would all taste slightly like tea.
- Having a good handshake is like having oven mitts — not essential, but more comfortable for everyone.
- If there is to be pineapple on a pizza, it should be canned pineapple.
- Sometimes the people we love are terrible.
- It is impossible to shake a cocktail without dancing.
- Draft beer tastes better than bottled beer.
- Sometimes the best we can do is pretty bad.
- Everyone likes to be right.
- Sometimes the worst thing about someone is your favourite thing about them.
- Everyone likes a good list.
- Except for the people who don’t.